Rocky Mountain Fake Bounty Hunters

Rubes, Simpletons, Ham and Eggers

These are the people that I would be expecting to watch this show on Animal Planet, Rocky Mountain Bounty Hunters. A show that may be the farthest thing from reality television I have ever seen. The show is about two groups of bounty hunters. The "Hunters" Clint and Dayson in Colorado and Rob and "Animal" in Montana are titled as Wilderness Bounty Hunters on the show. 

So apparently these guys work for the company Moonlight Bail Bonds which apparently has been in business since 1990. This appears to be the only real part of this show. 

The show starts with Rob and Animal looking around inside a gun shop. Of course the camera man is following them as they looking at 12 gauge shotguns. As fate would have it a member from Moonlight Bail Bonds walks into the store and finds them. He asks if they can talk privately, obviously its about to get serious. The man tells them about this guy who skipped bond over the crime of stolen DVDs. I realize that many of us no longer own DVDs but a crime is a crime and this man needs to be brought to justice.

So they get into a truck and he to the known residence of the DVD thief. A lady answers the door. Rob states, "Hi I'm Rob, my partners name is Animal."

If that isn't a funny enough introduction it gets better. The lady states that she doesn't know where the wanted DVD thief is at. Animal starts looking around the front of the property. He sees a young boy in a truck parked in the driveway. He starts chatting up the boy who tells him that his dad is inside.

Animal - "Hey Brother, his son here says he is inside."

Rob tells the lady to step back and let him inside. And she does!! Obviously every part of this is against some type of law since these two hacks are not actually law enforcement. Anyway, the guy runs out the back door, Animal see him and the chase is now on. Animal is about 350lbs and 50+ years old. Surprisingly Animal is able to stay with him as is the camera man. Eventually they both get tired and he says put your hands up. The DVD thief obliges. 

My favorite part of this exchange now happens. The criminal asks if they can take him home so he can say goodbye to his wife and son. They let him go home to say bye to his kids before hauling his ass to jail. Justice prevails once again.

"I just hope he thinks about his wife and son before he does something stupid again." Says Rob. 

Me too Rob, me too.

The show now moves to Clint and Dayson in Colorado.

They're bounty hunting a guy named Raymond over $300 shoplifting charges. They agree to do it because they don't want people finding out they're getting soft on crime.

Then they show a bunch of "gangsters" in a park, because that's where gangs hang out. Of course the bounty hunter walks up to them just to get info. None of them have seen Raymond and he gets the hell outta there before things get out of hand.

They meet this guy who happens to be working on his truck in a vacant lot. He knows Raymond and sends them to an Indian Reservation where he partied with him in a cave.

Clint and Dayson arrive at the reservation. They have to take off all their gear because that is the rules on these Indian Reservations. Upping the excitement level for everyone.

They arrive at the cave. There's tracks. They're tracking the guy like he's an animal. Then all of a sudden the see a guy sitting on a rock at the top of a cliff.

The acting is so bad. It's not even close to believable. All four Bounty Hunters are unbelievably out of shape to be tracking people in the wilderness. Plus there's a cameraman following them who is obviously going to blow their cover. They approach the man on a mountain and start calling out to him. He begins to stand up and you can feel the tension, you know, because they're unarmed.

Good news though. He says it's okay for them to come up there. This is ridiculous because they're basically openly mocking suicide victims. But luckily the Bounty Hunters expert negotiating skills were able to talk him off the mountain.

Raymond tells them he was just having problems. Was thinking about ending it. There is terrible western somber music is playing in the background. Raymond agrees to go to jail with them. Thank the heavens they were able to finesse him into coming in with them without their guns.They just meet this guy in the middle of nowhere conveniently to get these new bounties. This next guy is a real badass. He's an MMA fighter and isn't afraid to fight anyone. I missed what the guy was guilty of because I was too busy laughing about how they keep running into this Moonlight guy at random places.
They go to a gym that the guys is known to be at. A worker there will only talk to them outside. He states, "This guy is crazy, he shot a bear from 10 feet away the bear took off running and he chased after it on foot with a knife."

They're now on a trail in a park and they start looking at tire tracks thinking it'll lead them to the guy. The park has over 200 miles of trails in it but these tracks will take them to the hardened criminal. 

Also, They love calling each other brother. It's like if Hulk Hogan and Brutus the Barber Beefcake were bounty hunters.

All of a sudden they come up upon a truck. Animal walks up to a truck and says, "Hi I'm Animal."

Then, they see him off the side of the road. They're going to flank him and try to scare him. But it doesn't work, the chase is on!! A MMA fighter is running from a 275lb 45 year old and a 350lb 50 year old man. I bet they catch him.

I guess after watching this whole show I am feeling anger and disappointment. If people want to produce fake reality shows that fine. But stop trying to present it in a light that it is an actual occurrence. None of this happened. The whole show is based in falsehoods. And if anybody reading this watches this show and thinks it is real, I am officially embarrassed for you. 

Back to Rob and Animal

They somehow trap the guy. He pulls a tree root out of the ground and smashed animal in the hand with it. But after that they subdue him.

Animal thinks he broke his thumb. The camera crew gives him some tape for a makeshift splint. What a badass.

They always catch these guys the same day and conveniently after they talk to only a few key witnesses. The camera crew is ridiculous. One camera guy, who somehow is following them, filming the 4x4 tires driving, and then getting multi angles on the suspect without being detected. And during this ending fight scene there are multiple angles of the fight. 

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